By Vickie Samland, Program Associate

The provider, teacher, bridge-builder; the mediator, arbiter, equalizer, healer; the witness, referee, peacekeeper. Which one of these roles do you play? At home? At work? At play?

William Ury is an accomplished mediator and social anthropologist. You may recall he was a keynote speaker for our Ambassador of Peace event several years ago. At that time he had just published a book, Getting to Peace, which has recently been released under a new title, The Third Side: Why We Fight and How We Can Stop. Now workshops are offered to train participants in the Third Side perspective, understanding its possibilities and how to create a Third Side plan.

The Third Side roles are divided into those that prevent, resolve, and contain conflicts. Repeatedly throughout a Third Side training Ury explains that prevention is the most important aspect of the many roles of the Third Side. The work of The Conflict Center is very much about the prevention roles as we teach skills to solve conflicts, to build relationships, to manage anger, to develop positive parenting techniques. Our trainings and curriculum enhance capacity for nonviolent conflict for persons of all ages and abilities.

In the Prevention roles, Ury includes the provider, the teacher, and the bridge-builder. The Provider is the one offering resources, everything from food and healthcare, to jobs and knowledge. Imagine how this applies to the global dynamics of poverty and medical assistance worldwide. But it is just as likely to apply to the local neighborhoods where kids need after school programs and jobs to help them stay out of trouble. The Provider also offers respect, which translates into the opportunity to belong and have a sense of dignity in their relationships with others; the Provider offers these things to different ethnic groups, to young people, to anyone who feels alienated and disenfranchised. The Provider additionally is empowering to others, whether it’s women, teens, a 3 year old or moving out from under colonial powers, or dictatorships, or any system that is violating human rights and freedoms.

Though The Conflict Center does not provide medical or food assistance, it certainly is a provider of respect and empowerment. Both to individuals as well as local communities; workplaces and schools become empowered for more effective learning and greater productivity when practicing conflict and anger management skills.

The role of the teacher is the area where The Conflict Center excels and has done so for many years. Playground conflict managers, parenting, court ordered youth classes, and corporate trainings are all based on skills and best practices. Problems get solved without violence, whether its physical, verbal, or emotional violence, and relationships are built. The curriculum that is taught has been used by hundreds of classroom teachers in schools all over the metro area and around the world. The Whole School program builds an entire culture of peaceful conflict management from administration and teachers to students and parents. We offer classes open to the public at the center and our library is an outstanding resource available to anyone. One client said, “Anger Management classes should be mandatory for every member of society.” Even the most sophisticated among us has something else to learn about practicing nonviolent peacemaking skills.

The bridge-builder is one more important role of prevention. Always The Conflict Center has recognized the importance of building relationship. We teach skills for effective problem solving, but keep a balance of solving the problem and making things better all persons involved. When persons respect each other and understand they hold dignity and worth in the eyes of the other, it is very difficult to remain enemies. The conflicts still exist but a bridge has been built and productive ways of managing, even resolving, conflicts can be developed.

Beyond the roles of prevention as described by Ury are the roles involved in resolution, and containment. These varied roles also show up in the work of The Conflict Center. We offer mediation services. Our restorative justice program promotes the role of healer. And we have served as witness, referee and peacekeeper. But so have you. The beginning of this article asked which of these roles have you served in. If you are a parent, you have taken on a wide variety of these roles. If you are a supervisor, you have surely acted in some of these roles. If you are a friend or part of a family, you have experienced how these roles are engaged.

Ury reminds all of us to look for the roles that are our strengths. Then we need to look to others so that we can combine our respective strengths. We combine our strengths to create a Third Side so that when conflicts arise the disputants are not left to themselves but have a supportive community to help them resolve their differences. It is not a matter of taking sides, but of assisting those in the conflict to peacefully resolve the difficulties that confront them.

The Conflict Center’s work in the community represents a third side, where peacemaking is not often a feature on the agenda yet is widely considered as an ideal. As peacemakers, we’re involved in many capacities; participating in local communities, offering our service.

Working toward creative solutions, we use conflict management skills to build better relationships, enabling us to work out community issues. Active listening and sharing the ability to respond are more ways to maintain a place in the web of community building.

Our role as a third side is to serve as the nuts and bolts of practical peacemaking to the best of our ability. TCC also chooses project collaborations, agency partnerships and special events planning with relationship building at heart.

Last year, we took part in a momentous effort by Regis University, Padres Unidos, Northwest Parents and the Denver Public Schools community members to support public education. In 2004, TCC will continue to reduce levels of violence by participating as a third side in the ongoing dialogue on support for higher education, at community trainings and agency events to demonstrate the relationship between anger and health management as well as the importance of interpersonal skill building.

We’ll also support the Third Annual Cesar Chavez Holiday on Saturday, March 27. This year the celebration will be in Northeast Denver’s Swansea and Clayton neighborhoods, raising awareness about Cesar Chavez’s contributions to nonviolence.

The Denver Department of Human Services (DHS) has enlisted TCC’s help with the Family to Family Initiative. This project will hold community forums to include the public on the need for foster parenting care placements within home-based neighborhoods. DHS community outreach has great new research and innovative ideas to share about the importance of community team building to help solve the problem of child welfare education.

The Denver District Attorney’s / Denver Juvenile Probation’s offices have managed the Restorative Justice Initiative’s Community Accountability Program (CAB) in 29 of Denver’s neighborhoods offering more opportunities for involvement in the restorative justice process. TCC will be pro-peace, and proactive at several levels, offering the Center as a meeting place for educational community forums and CAB conferences.

TCC staff and North Denver Violence Prevention Committee (NDVPC) members have also volunteered as Family to Family Initiative and CAB community representatives. These are ongoing community connections which our Solutions readers can contact the community outreach office at (303) 433-4983 for more information. In 2004, practice skillbuilding and vote with your community voice! Support TCC in the peacemaking role of third side in our communities!

Letter from the Executive Director
Michelle Binkowski

I’m excited to announce our revised organizational vision, mission, and priority areas of focus for the next 3 years. Our vision is a more peaceful world. There is too much violence in our world. Violence creates more violence. Our mission is to reduce levels of physical, emotional and verbal violence.

We teach and apply skills to help people in a diverse community manage their everyday conflicts nonviolently. Through strategic planning over the past nine months, we have identified five priority areas of focus.

(1) We plan to revitalize our programs to ensure maximum impact and relevance. We are doing this by continuing to assessing each effort for alignment with the most current and research supported best practices in the field;

(2) We plan to assure our staff and volunteers continue to grow in the areas of professionalism and competency. We will actively develop our professionalism by building on our organizational culture as a learning organization;

(3) It is equally important to us to maximize our Volunteer Program’s contribution to fulfilling the mission of The Conflict Center. Last year, over 204 volunteers helped us fulfill our mission. More and more are joining our team of trainers to teach conflict management, anger management, and family skills out in the community. The Volunteer Program is fully run for volunteers by volunteers. We plan to nurture this ideal model in every way possible;

(4) We also plan to improve and expand how we get the word out to the general public and to our priority markets about who we are and what we do. You will notice the beginning of this effort in our revision of this newsletter. Watch for continued improvements;

(5) Another major priority is to fully fund the current mission, build our reserves for future unpredictable times, and develop funding for future growth. While we are proud of the fact that we were able to end the year 2003 with the same amount of reserves that we held at the beginning of the year, we feel very strongly about increasing our capacity for future stability and growth. Each of these priority areas has a detailed “living” and “working” plan to help us keep our eyes on the ultimate prize—a more peaceful world. I am looking forward to serving this mission with you.

Youth Spotlight
By Dustin Olde, Youth Coordinator

Any number of circumstances may be cause for youth to come to The Conflict Center. Standing before a judge, principal or parent as the result of a fight or verbal altercation is certainly a reason for attendance at our program, but youth often come on their own volition as well; realizing that something just isn’t right in their homes, schools or communities and that their anger might be out of control. Our classes are consistently full and, despite the reasons for coming, a hostile environment is transformed into a safe harbor for discussion and learning.

Among those that attend are youth involved in gangs. Some are outright about their affiliation while others keep it hidden, not knowing our reaction to this admission. Even though each youth is treated without any negative judgment in terms of the life that they lead, we include discussion of this topic in our classes.

According to an article in the Rocky Mountain News on August 23, 2003 called “Gangs Thriving in The Shadows”, there are “over 14,000 (gang members) in the city of Denver alone…double the number estimated a decade ago for the entire metro area.” Of course many of these youth are bound to end up participating in our program.

Many of those that come are young, don’t understand the predicament they have sealed themselves into by joining a gang at their age and have a hard time seeing alternative choices.

Even more often, many want out – realizing the consequences of the choices they have made and unsure how to turn their situation around.

These youth are immensely talented, intelligent and intuitive people who are working through their decisions and looking for alternate paths. As we at The Conflict Center form a relationship with them in our skillbuilding classes, they can begin to discover that there is another way.

Madame Solutions

Dear Mme. Solutions,
Our store has a policy of hiring disabled workers on a brief, rotating basis. There’s daily stress, but for the most part we are team workers with the exception of insulting remarks made by some of our employees. These comments are really negative because these co-workers make a real deal out of it; making explanations out loud about these workers. We don’t have supervisors, and at least one floor manager is involved. How can I take this up with my co-workers who are doing these insults on my shift?
Concerned Employee

Dear Concerned Employee:
Congratulations to your employer for taking a stand and walking the talk of inclusiveness. And, good for you! Your awareness of the negativity in your workplace tells me that you are sensitive to people with challenges you don’t happen to have. We all have some challenges.

Talking this situation out with your co-workers is a great idea. How about getting together, being sure to include that floor manager, to problem solve. First step is to define the problem. So, what exactly is it?

I suspect that you are not following your corporate culture plan. Has the atmosphere in which you work been defined? Do you feel safe and productive? Do you have enough information? Are you encouraged to do your best?

Do you all know why disabled workers are hired by your company? Are you in sync with the company policy and goals of the corporate office? Are you each undermining or building? Can your group define the behaviors which create a positive environment? Are derogatory comments or insults helpful?

Keep working on building a favorable workplace atmosphere, improving behaviors and increasing productivity. While you may be tempted to repeat specific comments you have heard directly (not second hand!), remember, there is no profit in blaming anyone or lingering on past actions. If people need specific examples, invite others to help you remember. Keep the conversations looking forward for the team you have already in place.

I bet you will be surprised to find that others are bothered by these insults, too. Sometimes one person has to be the voice, raising the question everyone knew needed asking. Go for it!

To submit a question to Madame Solutions: Email your question to info@conflictcenter.org with “MadameSolutions” in the subject line.
Or, mail your question to: Madame Solutions, 4140 Tejon St., Denver, CO 80211

Impact
Nicole Forward, Manager of Programs

In 2003, The Conflict Center served a total of 12,391 people with 13 staff and 204 volunteers.

Of that, 2,936 adults were served in organizations, for-profit and nonprofit businesses, faith communities, and government entities, with over 90% self-reporting that they gained nonviolent skills. Additionally, parenting skills were taught to 770 parents in the community, in daycare centers, in Head Start Programs, and other organizations, with over 90% self-reporting that they learned new skills.

A teen parent wrote about the services she received from The Conflict Center: “I especially enjoyed when you showed us the video about spanking children, because I don’t think that many people realize how much that can hurt their child and their relationship with them. I knew that it was harmful but I am still glad that this was discussed.”

A local nonprofit staff member writes: “Many of the staff members that attended the trainings expressed that they learned new ways of handling not only conflicts among youth but between themselves and youth as well. One employee in particular expressed that the training completely changed the way she approaches conflict with youth.”

In our youth-at-risk program, we served 476 youth as well as 310 of their parents, by teaching conflict management, anger management, problem-solving, and critical decision making skills.

Over 85% of both youth and their parents self-reported that they learned new skills. Additionally, 96% of students who completed The Conflict Center’s classes did NOT re-offend for up to a year after completing the class. Feedback from youth includes:
“I learned how to deal with anger, solve situations that could lead to a fight, and respect myself in the process.”
“I learned to ask myself if a situation is worth getting in trouble for.”
“I learned about my triggers that cause violence and positive ways to control my anger.”

Additionally, 7,906 students, faculty, administration, staff, and parents were served in 60 schools.

An Elementary School Teacher writes: “I was very impressed by the rapport you established with our parents and your ability to conduct a very successful discussion group. As a teacher and a parent, I found the information you shared with us to be invaluable and I know that the parents learned a lot.”

We look forward to continuing our work in reducing violence in schools, organizations, and communities by serving even more people in 2004.

A Season for Nonviolence 2004
Mary Jo Dreher, A Season for Nonviolence,
Rocky Mountain Alliance

A Season for Nonviolence, January 30 – April 4, is a national 64-day educational campaign dedicated to demonstrating that nonviolence is a powerful way to heal, transform, and empower our lives and our communities. Launched initially in 1998 and inspired by the 50th and 30th memorial anniversaries of Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., this international event honors their vision of an empowered, nonviolent world.

It was Mahatma Gandhi, in his demonstration of peaceful resistance who first spoke the word nonviolence. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was greatly influenced by Mahatma Gandhi’s personal and public policies. These two peacemakers continue to inspire, teach and inform us today. Those drawn to the work of nonviolence, conflict resolution and peacemaking honor their legacy by continuing the work of nonviolence.

The Rocky Mountain Alliance of A Season for Nonviolence publishes a calendar of events for this year’s campaign. Mile Hi Church of Religious Science is host to a kick-off event with Bill Ury, author of recently published The Third Side, on Friday, January 30th and Saturday, January 31st. Azim Khamisa, founder of the Tariq Khamisa Foundation (honoring his son, Tariq Khamisa, 20, who was killed by a 14-year-old gang member), will be in Denver on March 19th and 20th delivering his powerful message of forgiveness.

Information on these events and more can be found at www.milehichurch.org. More information about task forces and the national campaign can be found at www.agnt.org.

Parent to Parent
by Tammy Sherwood, Program Associate

Pam and her two children Abi (7) and R.J. (11) attended The Conflict Center’s Strengthening Foundations class in January. Pam works as a social worker at the Colorado Dept. of Public Health and Environment and she believes there’s always more to learn. She admits, "Even though I am familiar with some of the skills, the class reinforced the importance of incorporating good habits into my family’s life more often."

Her kids thought the class was helpful and she sensed that they were disappointed when it ended. Her kids enjoyed the activities and have actually been using the "I"messages taught in class. Pam said, "Both of my kids were incredibly proud to receive the certificate of completion at the end of class."

Pam said she noticed that she yelled less, and allowed the kids to have more space to think out their problem in the situation. She has been asking for more input from her kids when there is a problem which makes them part of solving the problem.

Pam appreciated having food available for her family and was impressed with the instructors. She expressed her feelings that the class is not just for those who are in constant conflict but for everyone who has a child and is in relationship with people. The skills taught give understanding to behaviors, how to redirect them and solve problems.

Pam definitely recommends this class to all families.

Star Volunteer

Our heartfelt appreciation goes out to Mary Bediz who served as Chair of last fall’s successful Ambassador of Peace Award event. In her capable hands, all aspects of the dinner and program came together to create an inspiring evening. Bravo! She continues her fifth year of active involvement participating on the Volunteer Committee.

Before moving to Denver, Mary was a buyer for Sears and a sales manager for promotional products in the Chicago area. To satisfy her passion for travel she gets away on at least one big trip each year. This fall she treated herself to a month in Australia, Tasmania and New Zealand after the Ambassador of Peace dinner, a much deserved reward.

Mary also loves to ski, play tennis, and bike. She’s the head of the Social Committee and an avid member of the book club at her beautiful condominium community. This fall she will combine her love of travel and sharing the adventures of her adult son and daughter when she travels to her son’s wedding in Nova Scotia.

We all wish a hearty BON VOYAGE to our star world traveler, Mary Bediz. We’re happy you are also a TCC world-class volunteer.

Volunteer Appreciation Celebration!
Blooming into the Peace of Spring

Sunday, April 18, 2004
2pm -4pm

Iliff School of Theology
2201 South University Boulevard
Denver, CO 80210

Would you like to nominate a special volunteer to receive an award at this year's Volunteer Appreciation Event?

Contact Elsie Polak at (303)-433-4983 to receive a nomination form by mail or email to receive the form via email.

4th Annual Enchanted Gardens of Northwest Denver

The 4th Annual Enchanted Gardens of Northwest Denver garden tour invites you to stroll among some of the lushest and most fragrant residential gardens of the metro area Saturday, June 5th and Sunday, June 6th, 9 a.m. until 3 p.m. Meet your northwest Denver neighbors and local gardeners and learn their secrets to beautiful flowers, foliage and landscaping.

This spectacular event benefits The Conflict Center and will also include a free Conflict Center Open House. Ticket prices: $12 (one day) and $20 (both days) purchased in advance; same day $15 (one day) and $25 (both days).

Garden Tour Gift certificates make great Mother’s Day or Father’s Day gifts. Visit us at 4140 Tejon Street or purchase online at www.conflictcenter.org. For more information, call The Conflict Center at 303-433-4983.

IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO BE A FEATURED SPONSOR – Contact Tammy (303) 433-4983 and ask about our display booth opportunities! Please contact Patrick at The Conflict Center if you would like to volunteer the day of the event.

View our current class schedule