By Vickie Samland, Program Associate

A peaceful environment does not just happen. Peace is not created "out of the blue." Peace happens when people teach others about their behaviors, choices, and decisions. Peace happens in families when parents teach their children. Peace happens in schools when teachers teach nonviolent conflict management to students. Peace happens in neighborhoods when neighbors, police, and community leaders deal fairly and justly with each other. Peace happens in all these environments when people practice conflict management skills that solve problems and build relationships. Peace happens when persons practice forgiveness and restorative justice.

Over the last seventeen years, The Conflict Center has developed many proven practices for teaching and modeling language, actions, skills, and behaviors that promote nonviolent ways of living and working together. The Center began in schools as a way of changing school culture to a respectful, less violent place for teachers and students to work and learn.

Many schools in the metro area have used these or other programs to teach practical peacemaking skills. Keeping programs going is often difficult as the teachers and leaders of the school change. It takes concerted effort and regular teaching for non-violent school culture to be maintained. Check with your area school. Do they have a playground conflict manager program or a peer mediation program? Do teachers regularly teach the skills of nonviolent conflict management? Are administrators committed to the concept that their school must intentionally create a culture of peaceful problem solving?

There are many excellent programs, curricula, and resources for schools to use. Teachers can address specific issues of bullying, teasing, and harassment. It is best to teach skills that address these issues and extend beyond them. The goal is to teach administrators, teachers, parents, and students to be responsible for their behaviors, to brainstorm options for problem solving that really solve the problem and make things better for all persons involved. When adults practice and teach these skills, and hold themselves and students accountable for their behavior, the school becomes a more peaceful place for everyone. This type of environment is one that creates a better learning environment; students can put their energy into schoolwork instead of worrying about who's going to harass or hurt them on the playground or after school.

If this environment in a school is going to work, it takes adult leadership and commitment. It is the adults who set the tone, who set the expectations. If the adults expect kids to put down others and act mean, that's what they'll get. If the adults expect kids to problem solve, to honor relationships, to build win-win outcomes, that's what they'll get.

Check out your neighborhood school; ask questions about the school culture and what is expected, and how everyone is held accountable. Be a leader for peaceful problem solving in your neighborhood. Lead the way in building peaceful schools.

Letter From the Executive Director
Michelle Binkowski

Summer has almost passed us by! At The Conflict Center, we are preparing for fall with back-to-school programming. As an organization, we are entering into a very exciting and challenging phase--a planning process to develop programming strategies for the next 3-5 years. Many of our community members will be asked to provide feedback for our self-assessment as well as participate in focus groups designed to help us shape our priorities. With our eyes on the prize (our mission to reduce violence in our community by teaching conflict management, anger management and family skills) we will be developing ideas to help us further our mission in this changing world. We are fortunate enough to have a great deal of support for this process including a strong commitment from the Board of Directors (who are also volunteers) as well as the hard work of our staff and so many other dedicated volunteers. The Bonfils-Stanton Foundation is supporting our project with funds to administer the process under the expertise of our consultant, Roberta Bhasin. It is our hope that by the year’s end, we will have a renewed focus and exciting strategies to support this incredible work! Together, we will design a meaningful future helping everyday people manage conflict more effectively in their lives!

Youth Spotlight
By Dustin Olde, Youth Programs Coordinator

George Pride became involved with The Conflict Center in June when he was enrolled in the Safe City Critical Decision-Making class. The four-week session, which was taught by Israel Nunez and Tammy Sherwood, impacted George in a positive way. “I learned how to think before I act, basically,” George said, “and the students in the class were pretty nice.” He also mentioned that Israel was a “good teacher” who taught him to “make eye connection when talking to people for better understanding.”

After successfully completing his course, George, a fifteen-year old student at the PS1 Charter School in Denver, contacted The Conflict Center to complete community service hours. In his time with TCC he has assisted with a yard sale, helped prepare materials for a Peace Day, cleaned the building and generated databases.

In his free time George likes to hang out with his friends and play basketball (he hopes to make the varsity team at his school next year), as well as make the occasional trip to Six Flags Elitch’s.

by Vickie Samland, Program Associate

Often we point to "those people" or the "other folks" who are the sources of violence in our communities.

Observation will show that violence is often closer than we think. The workplace has become a more frequent location for violent behavior. We are no longer shocked to learn about incidents of shootings in the workplace. We joke about someone "going postal" (although the postal service is one of the safest workplaces.)

What is workplace violence? According to the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, it’s "violent acts, including physical assaults and threats of assault, directed toward peers at work or on duty."

This clearly gets at physical harm or the threat of harm, but personal experience tells us something is missing from this definition.

From The Conflict Center's viewpoint this definition omits the verbal and emotional violence that is more commonplace at work. Verbal and emotional violence builds up to physical assaults and threats. It is far better to deal with problems early than to have frustrations escalate into physical violence.

Verbal and emotional violence create a workplace that is stressful and less productive. Employees are sick more often, and employee turnover is higher. Motivation and creativity suffer in a workplace that has continuing verbal and emotional violence.

What does this type of violence look like? It might be verbal barbs that are exchanged. It might be withholding information from a co-worker. Perhaps it is turning in an assignment late to a colleague. This behavior pattern can point to unsolved problems and difficulties in relationships. A culture of gossip or blame is always verbal and emotional violence. A business, through cutthroat competition, may actually promote a corporate culture of violence; we justify this by saying "it's a dog-eat-dog world."

What is your workplace culture regarding violence? It's important to have a plan, a system, and an expectation about workplace violence and how to handle it, from the obvious physical harm to the more subtle - but just as damaging - verbal and emotional violence. Establish a workplace culture of problem-solving and respect. There is always a cost in the workplace for violence of any kind.

Madame Solutions
(on supporting nonviolence)

Dear Madame Solutions:
Our services manager recently got a customer call about dissatisfaction and reprimanded two of us in the department. We were given several more assignments as a result. Afterwards, my co-worker shared her response with me: “I goofed and I felt bad about it. I think I can figure out what I did wrong, so it won’t happen again.” I felt just the opposite: “What does she think I am? A slave to one customer call? I can’t cope with these demands.” We experienced the same problem but had totally different responses. What makes the difference? Ms. Taken Co-Worker

Dear Ms. Taken:
My, my, my. Same experience, different reactions. No surprise in that. What is amazing is that you made note of the difference and questioned the reason for it, instead of just assuming that your co-worker is a jerk who does not understand the real work world. Most people in your situation would waste days putting down your co-worker for not seeing the incident the same way you do. Truth is that it is impossible for two people to have the same exact thoughts about any set of circumstances.
The difference you speak of is a result of each of you coming into the situation from different backgrounds. This is true for all of us… each one of us responds and reacts in our own unique way. Most of us like it best when others confirm our thoughts because it makes us feel “right”. However, we won’t always agree with one another.
In the situation you describe, customer service is the concern, not you. There is a problem with a customer that does not reflect what usually is your high quality customer service. You’re getting valuable information and an opportunity for your department to step up to the plate. You are a member of the team, right?
Collaborate to find creative ways to get the best customer service while reducing demands on you and your co-workers.
While there is no simple answer, understand that we all bring our history with us and we interpret what we hear and see given our personal lenses. Do what you can to see what others see. Is this easy? Maybe not. Work at it anyway!

To submit a “workplace conflict” related question to Madame Solutions: Email your question to info@conflictcenter.org with “MadameSolutions” in the subject line.
Or, mail your question to: Madame Solutions, 4140 Tejon St., Denver, CO 80211

Parent to Parent

Have you seen our bumper sticker, “Conflict is inevitable, violence is not”? If you are a parent, conflict is inevitable! TCC participant Doris’ nine-year-olds were stretching her patience thin.

At TCC, she learned about “I messages.” She learned how her “self-talk” and expectations set her up for frustration and annoyance. She paid attention to how her anger builds up and ways to cool down.

She tried an “I message,” “I feel sad. . . .” without blaming or accusing. Now, before talking to the boys she calms herself down by changing her self-talk from “they better have…” to “I’ll be pleasantly surprised if…”

She takes “think time” to calm herself down, and to think about how she feels, what she needs and different ways to approach the kids.

Doris uses a different tone of voice, is more lighthearted in her approach, and begins her requests with “I wonder” or “Do you think?” The kids respond positively and they’re more willing to get their work done. There is a greater spirit of cooperation and less tension between all of them.

There are many strategies and ways to deal with those conflicts. Try some positive conflict management with your kids!

Sun Valley Community Peace Day

Volunteers and staff lend a hand (left to right): Chris Hamilton, Kathy Santistevan, Lindsey Griswold, Jeff Bennett, Madeline Kriescher, and Israel Nunez

Star Volunteer

Perhaps you know Elsie Polak from her friendly greetings at the front desk or her responses to your phone calls and requests. She is the receptionist at The Conflict Center. Elsie also volunteers many hours each year to behind-the-scene tasks to make things run smoothly. From tracking volunteer hours to making centerpieces to setting up for programs, Elsie is always available to help.

At our recent Volunteer Appreciation Event, she stepped right in to assist Isabel Alvarado-Bailey and the Volunteer Committee. At most TCC potlucks and luncheons, Elsie can usually be found in the kitchen. She is a fabulous cook and always contributes wonderful homemade dishes and desserts.

Elsie came to TCC through her daughter, Heather Polak, our Administrative Assistant. She was involved as a volunteer, which she has continued since November 2001 when she was hired to work part-time. When she is not at TCC, Elsie enjoys life with husband Ed and spends her time on many home projects, including her sewing (many staff members and volunteers treasure her baby blankets, pillows and other hand-sewn items). This time of year, Elsie also enjoys working in her garden and yard.

Our Star Volunteer -- Elsie Polak -- is a staff member we all depend on as well as a very generous volunteer, giving time to make a difference in our community. Our thanks, Elsie!

Mary Zinn-Stewart Nominated for Award

The TCC Volunteer Committee nominated our own Mary Zinn-Stewart for the DOVIA (Directors of Volunteers in Agencies) “We Count On You” Award. This award is given annually to an outstanding volunteer or group of volunteers in various agencies. This year 35 individuals and seven groups were nominated for the award.

A luncheon to honor all the nominees was held May 30, 2003 at Baby Doe’s Restaurant. Mary, Cary Leher, Mary Bediz, and Sue Mitchell all attended. It was a delightful affair with each agency having an opportunity to say a few words about its nominee. Even though Mary did not receive the DOVIA top award, you may be sure she is “tops” in our eyes and absolutely is a volunteer we can count on!

We’ve Moved!...Well, not all that far. The Volunteer Office has moved across the hall into a staff office. As you know, the business of The Conflict Center is booming. That has created a need for another classroom. So, we moved across the hall. Mary Zinn-Stewart, Mary Ann Tarpey, and Martha Fulford, our wonderful volunteer Volunteer Office staff, are all set up and ready to go.

Volunteers helped celebrate Peace Day on July 1st at the Sun Valley Community Center.

Left: Volunteer Paula Jean provides stress-reducing touch therapy.

Volunteers Attend Training
Fifteen Conflict Center colunteers recently attended an intensive training. Feedbakc tells that the training was a great success! Many volunteers are now more thoroughly prepared to teach conflict and anger amnagement skills to our clients.

Volunteers practicing their teaching skills (interrupted by the photographer): Meridee Cecil, Henry Jesse, Ron Ludwig, Linda Pounds, Brian Price, Elizabeth Leaneagh, Kate Lucas and staff member Stefanie Winfield.

Volunteer Opportunities

The 2003 Garden Tour

Despite a chilly start to the day, the 2003 Enchanted Gardens of Northwest Denver tour warmed up to be a huge success and raised important funds to support the violence prevention programs of The Conflict Center. Much of this success is due to the generosity and loyalty of our event sponsors:

Diamond Sponsor

Community Outreach
By Laura Naranjo, Community Liaison

Outreach in the Denver’s diverse neighborhoods involves many community voices. TCC is supporting the The Colorado Hip Hop Coalition is an agency working primarily with schools toward changing the perception of Hip Hop culture as being synonymous with violence. Community residents, schools, businesses, churches and organizations joined the Coalition in support of Rappers Stopping Violence and Prejudice (RSVP); a violence prevention awareness event that takes place in Northeast Denver.

The Coalition’s purpose is similar to TCC’s mission: to reduce the violence of popular rap music lyrics and videos by working for nonviolent media expression that combines presentations at schools, special events and community involvement.

“There’s a phenomenal task to practice personal change within the Hip Hop culture and we want to do that one nonviolent step at a time,” said Jeff Campbell, Executive Director of the Colorado Hip Hop Coalition. The RSVP event utilized nonviolent rap music, spoken word artists, performers, community organizations and local media to inspire communities to take action against all forms of violence. “RSVP offers a continuing presence and peaceful expressions that set the tone, as well as personal people being able to knowinteractions with the peacemaking elements of our communities”.

The Conflict Center staff, joined and enjoyed meeting families, seniors and youth at the RSVP community reception. Audrey Maydan volunteered for TCC and was onstage to share TCC’s mission, programs and a call to peacemaking: “Peace begins within ourselves and in our hearts. It has to happen there in order to help others. When we start there, we can be open to learning new ways to support each other. We can be strong in our beliefs, stand up and be part of the Dream. We need to promote peacemaking as our legacy for the next generation because violence is not an option”. TCC extends our gratitude for Audrey’s voice and for Jeff Campbell’s community coalition building and media organizing work.

Each year, TCC is invited to many community venues that feature great opportunities to share TCC’s voice. For more information or to volunteer for community outreach events please stop by or call TCC’s COCommunity Outreach office at 303.433-4983 extension 26.

View our current class schedule