By Virginia Vobejda, Editor
The winter season can bring on a mountain of blahhhhs, memories and emotions for many. Not all are happy. Once again, winter stress comes from all directions: money, time, the let down from the holidays, expectations, obligations, fighting, being stuck inside, fatigue, guilt for not being able to do what you would like to do in your life, time with kids, time with other families, time with significant others, loneliness, regret, the list goes on...

People often feel more depressed, tired and unmotivated this time of year. For some, winter brings difficult times and experiences. If these experiences apply to you (or someone you know) this year, there are some ways to reduce the stress of the winter blues. This time can be used for changing direction and saying “I’m sorry” to someone you care about. It can be a time to initiate repair in relationships (no matter how much time has gone by) and a time to help someone you don’t even know.

De-Stressing Strategies
First of all, get yourself (and your family members) out of the house. Walking around the neighborhood or mall can reduce the frustration that builds from “cabin fever.” You might want to take someone who doesn’t drive to the store or doctor appointments. You could also offer to help clean someone’s house. It’s amazing what “taking action to help others” can do to defuse anger or frustration. The activity allows you to release this “energy” in a more positive direction. Another creative way to address the feeling of being in a rut is to focus on relationships rather than “appearances” or “what everyone else does.” Brainstorm creative ideas with family and friends. When making some of these decisions, discuss your thoughts and plans with friends and family. With well thought out decisions and “actions” this winter season can be joyful, maybe even relaxing, knowing that your lifestyle is more in-line with your beliefs.

Letter From the Executive Director
Michelle Binkowski

The new-year is a perfect time to take inventory of where we’ve been, where we are and look at where we are going. This past year, The Conflict Center transitioned from the 15 years of leadership from our founder, Liz Loescher while serving almost 30,000 clients in our three programs: schools, organizations and youth-at-risk. We also increased the participation in our annual Garden tour to 300 participants and raised $10,000 over the goal for our Ambassador of Peace Award Event. We completed our first membership drive in November, inviting more friends and neighbors to join us in our mission to reduce levels of emotional, verbal and physical violence in our community. We have also shared in the downturn in the economy and have had to focus to stay within our means. Right now, the board, staff and volunteers are gearing up to challenge ourselves for the year ahead! We’ll begin with the “Reducing the Cost of Conflict in the Workplace” Conference in March, a youth leadership initiative this summer, introduce a new strategy to reduce violence in schools in the fall, and continue helping people change behaviors one person, class, family or work-team at a time. As I look ahead, I know that together, we can all work (in big and small ways) to create more peace in our world!

Alternatives for Suspended Kids
By Shay Bright, Program Manager

When a student is suspended from school, the student typically ends up behind in studies and may return to school with a negative attitude. The Conflict Center’s “Alternatives to Suspension” program is designed to minimize the student’s time away from school but still hold the student accountable for actions and provide an opportunity to learn new skills.

The six-week course offers students less days of suspension. Students may enter into the course at any time throughout the school year. The program teaches and reinforces the many skills of nonviolent communication, problem-solving, choices and consequences; and anger management. Students practice new skills through real-life scenarios in role-plays and discussion. Students also write weekly goals. Using new skills is oftentimes difficult because the students are being asked to do something different, to try out a new skill, to behave nonviolently. Once trying the skills, the students receive a different outcome, enabling them to solve problems and avert situations which may result in suspension. Of the schools utilizing the Alternatives to Suspension program during the 2001-2002 school year, an average of 88% of the students reported learning new skills and an average of 86% of the students applied the new skills in their lives. In addition, the students showed a 72% reduction in office referrals after participating in the program.

Madame Solutions
(on Workplace Conflict)

Dear Madame Solutions...
Sometimes when people are joking at work, they "slam" each other with comments that hurt. I'm really uncomfortable when people do this to each other. Because it happens so much, I also find myself slamming other people. Can you advise me on how I stop and how do I get others to stop?
Signed, Guilty at Work

Dear "More aware than most"!
You have succumbed to an unfortunate culturally ingrained sense of humor. Somewhere along the line, we seem to have agreed that putting down another person is very funny, at whatever expense it may be to the person who is the "butt of the joke." YOU are a critical part of the solution. Stop using put-downs and stop laughing when others do. These two steps will change your life and the environment around you. If you don't think a comment is funny, stand your ground. Make your statement by being true to your values. My friend Joanne Greenberg asks this piercing question: “Why do people need to feel bigger by standing on someone else?” You want to stop others from making comments that hurt, which is a noble goal. However, since you are not in charge of the choices others make, I can only encourage you to stop falling into the trap of following their lead. People who believe slamming others is funny, do not consider the consequences. They are happy to have a "laugh" at another's expense.

Now, if you really want to take on this serious dilemma, read my next column about the No Stingers Campaign or... "That will cost you a quarter!". It may not be the solution to all of our problems, but it does change lives. In the meantime, see if what you say and your responses truly reflect the person you want to be.
Signed, Madame Solutions

To submit a “workplace conflict” related question to Madame Solutions: Email your question to info@conflictcenter.org
with “MadameSolutions” in the subject line.
Or, mail your question to: Madame Solutions, 4140 Tejon St., Denver, CO 80211

Parent to Parent

Parenting is challenging. No one will ever say that it isn’t. Marlene Miller, parent of son “Zach” attended The Conflict Center’s "Building Bridges” class last month. Ms. Miller offers her experience, hoping that other parents will benefit from her own challenges in parenting.

When asked what she gained from her experience Marlene stated “It made me feel good knowing I'm not the only parent going through this. Zach's a difficult kid. But I saw in the class that the other parents are dealing with difficult kids too, that other families have big issues, too. To know there's a place to go, where we can talk about and work on issues was very helpful. The exercises we did have helped me...the I-messages, problem solving instead of continuing to argue...I've been doing these things.

You can tell Zach did, too; he'll fight something if he doesn't like it. But he was right there, getting in the car to go to class. I think much of this was because it wasn't therapy. It was all about solutions. I think that's the difference between therapy and The Conflict Center. It was group work, not always one-on-one. It wasn't like Zach was the problem, like he was being targeted. He could be with other kids, knowing what they were going through. And I think it's because of you teachers, too, and how you interact with the kids.

Before, I wondered "Oh gee, where did I go wrong?" But after the class, I realized that these are things everyone goes through. I'm pumped up about The Conflict Center. I was recommended to TCC by Zach's social worker at school, and she has now recommended the class to other families, because I've told her how happy I was with the class."

For more information on our Parenting Classes, click here.

Youth Spotlight
By Dustin Olde, Youth Programs Coordinator

Guillermo Guirant is 17 years old and lives in Northwest Denver. Guillermo enrolled in classes with The Conflict Center at the beginning of September and since then has been assisting TCC by doing community service. Guillermo has cleaned the facility, raked leaves, and helped prepare curriculum by sorting and translating. Guillermo has said that, “after taking class, I learned how to solve conflicts by having everyone reach an agreement together.” Guillermo enjoyed working one-on-one with Conflict Center Program Associate Esteban Rivero because, “he knows how to explain things.” In his spare time Guillermo enjoys racing a Nissan 300 SX at Bandimere Speedway and fixing cars at a local garage.

Kid's Corner
By Virginia Vobejda

On all sides we see and hear about the stress of winter. Will it be all fun, exciting and energizing? Everyone has to work to make winter days enjoyable. Here are some ideas: Busy parents need help with cleaning, cooking, other chores (cheerfully) and errands. Try to get outside when you can to enjoy the fresh air. What are your expectations of winter time? Are they practical, possible, unreal? Are you willing to put up with some inconveniences such as cold temperatures and “cabin fever”? Are your expectations in-line with your family life-style? Let your family know how important they are to you. If you are short on money for activities, think about things that you can do which do not cost money such as sledding (when there is snow) roller-blading if there isn’t ice for ice-skating and walking when the temperature is warm enough. Winter is a terrific time to show people you care with loving words and loving acts. Offer to do things around the house when you feel “stuck” indoors or when you are just plain “bored.” And, don’t forget, random acts of kindness are always “in-season.” Share your ideas on how make wintertime fun and brighter by emailing us at information@conflictcenter.org

Our Star Volunteer
By Volunteers Mary Ann Tarpey and Cary Leher

The friendly, gracious manner of Mary Zinn-Stewart is often the first impression many people have of The Conflict Center. As our Volunteer Coordinator, Mary works her magic by finding a meaningful job for each person who wants to give their time and talent to the work of violence prevention.

Starting out in the late ‘80’s as The Conflict Center’s 2nd volunteer, Mary’s dedication to the work of conflict and anger management flourished. Learning to “Walk the Talk,” she led trainings in schools and congregations, took part in Reading for Peace, and created our popular 10 tips card.

Mary is a gifted leader, serving as President of The Conflict Center’s Board of Directors for 3 years. As “Chair” of the Fund Development Committee, she made it easy for people to say YES when asked to give financial support.

Some of the most successful and entertaining events in the history of TCC have originated in Mary’s unique ability to combine hospitality and peacemaking. She never misses an opportunity to praise the accomplishments of her colleagues, while she herself puts in a tremendous number of volunteer hours every month.

Mary’s wider world includes two adult daughters, a son finishing high school this year, and two romping dogs. She loves to travel, staying in close touch with dear friends all over the country.

Nurturer, mentor, benefactor - Mary Zinn-Stewart is all this and more. She is cherished by staff, volunteers and Friends of The Conflict Center who count on her encouragement, the twinkle in her eye and her irresistible warmth of heart. Mary is truly an extraordinary volunteer!

Volunteer Opportunities

• "Volunteer Introduction", Tuesday, February 11, 6-8 p.m. Call 303-433-4983 and ask for the volunteer office to sign up.
• Training for Volunteers: "Conflict Management". Monday, January 13, 6:30-8:30 p.m. Call 303-433-4983 and ask for the volunteer office to register.
• Solutions Layout and Editing needed. Work from home or in the office for 6 issues per year. Call Michelle at 303-433-4983 to learn more.
  
• Peace Day Volunteers needed on Monday, January 13 at Park Hill Elementary. Call 303-433-4983 to sign up.
  
• Teach Teen Parenting in February at Alternative High Schools. Call Nicole at 303-433-4983.
  
• Members needed for our Volunteer, Friends Membership, Garden Tour and Ambassador of Peace Award Event Committees: Call 303-433-4983 to get involved.
  

Isabel Alvarado-Bailey has been a Board member since 1998, and has been a strong supporter and volunteer since 1996. Isabel is the Chair of the Fund Development Committee and a member of the Volunteer Committee. Ms. Alvarado-Bailey is a former National Yellow Pages Services, Operations Manager for the 14-State Territory of US West. Her Past experience includes 27 years of service with Mountain Bell/US West Yellow Pages Publishing; providing services in management, administration, human resources, training and sales support through various positions. She became involved with The Conflict Center because of her desire to make a difference in reducing the levels of violence in our communities. She also serves on the Board of The Learning Source for Adults and Families; to promote literacy in our communities and on the regional steering committee for Peace Jam. Watch for more profiles of our Board Members in future issues!

Upcoming Events

Peak Parent Center's 2003 Conference : School Reform and Inclusive Education
Thursday, January 16-18
Adam's Mark Hotel

Martin Luther King March
Monday, January 20
(Call 303-433-4983 to join TCC)

Educational Conference for School-Age Programs
Saturday, February 8, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
George Washington High School

Reducing the Cost of Conflict in the Workplace Workshop
Friday, March 7

Community Outreach
By Laura Naranjo, Community Liaison

The Denver Center for the Performing Arts (DCPA) offers the ElderPlays program. ElderPlays provides special matinee performances and discounts for seniors, their relatives and friends. There are no membership fees. Seniors are invited to attend the Saturday matinee ElderPlays and purchase discounted tickets through the DCPA’s Community Box Offices. Northwest Contact: Joel Harmon at 303-433-3680 Northeast Contact: Cordia Collins at: 303-308-1240. The DCPA is a strong supporter of The Conflict Center and we serve on the Northwest Denver Neighborhood Connection Committee for the DCPA’s Public Affairs Office
ElderPlays offers thought provoking performances that honor our elders. Let's find a way to share our appreciation of the Arts and seniors in our community by getting the word out. How about joining our seniors for an ElderPlay? Peacemaking has many opportunities! For more community information please call Laura Naranjo at: 303-433-4983 extension 26. We would like to hear from you!

Ambassador of Peace Award Event Exceeded Goal!

We at The Conflict Center would like to thank ALL our sponsors and friends for supporting our 6th Annual Ambassador of Peace Award Event on October 3rd. With the incredible leadership of Chairperson Mary Ann Tarpey, the planning committee (pictured left) and YOUR generosity, we exceeded our goal! This event raised over $60,000 to support our mission to reduce levels of emotional, verbal and physical violence in our community. We couldn’t do this without the effort of everyone involved. This event was truly a gift and we wish to extend that gift to the community by working to make peacemaking part of the lives of all the people we serve. Your support really does make a difference!

SAVE THE DATE: Thursday, October 16, 2003 as been selected for our 7th Annual Ambassador of Peace Award Event.

View our current class schedule