January / February 2002 Virginia Vobejda, Editor

Letter From The Director
Transition Time at TCC
Book Review
Conflict In The Workplace: Verbal Violence
Kids Corner
Volunteer News
Volunteer Introduction Meetings
Volunteer Training
Volunteer Opportunities
Special Events

Letter From The Director Dear Friends, I love this time of year at The Conflict Center. It is BUSY with a capital B. It is exciting to see all the diverse programs that are humming along. It is important in the midst of all that goes on here to know it is the reason we are in business. The programs teach everyone to make peace. If you haven’t heard, please note the article from Connie Calkin about my leaving the Center. Hard to believe, but it is time for me to move on. It will be a slow leaving, with a new Director in the summer and a consulting role for me till fall. And I am excited, and I am enthused, and I am eager to become a lifetime member to cheer on this great work! Stop by for a cup of tea when you find yourself in Northwest Denver. We have great new arrivals in the library, and would love to have you come by! Elizabeth Loescher Executive Director	Book Review "Parents Under Siege" In "Parents Under Siege," James Garbarino, our speaker at the 5th Annual Ambassador Of Peace Award Event, collaborates with child advocate Claire Bedard to bring us this encouraging book. The book addresses situations of “bad things happening to good parents” as they discuss the many forces that surround raising kids today. They cover teaching confidence rather than fear, and highlight structure, authority and spiritual growth. Face to face conversations with the parents of Dylan Klebold gave them helpful insights into parenting today. Copies of “Parents Under Siege” are available at the discounted price of $12 each (cover price $24) at The Conflict Center. Stop by and pick up a copy.
Conflict in the Workplace Verbal Violence Conflict Thant Hurts More Than A Physical Blow
By Dr. Sharon Cornelius Dr. Sharon Cornelius is the President of Preemptive Workforce Solutions, LLC. She also serves on The Conflict Center’s event planning committee for the annual “Reducing the Cost of Conflict in the Workplace” Conference. See the enclosed flyer for more information about this upcoming event. Physical violence is not the only form of conflict present in our work places. Conflict arises from things said and done that are subtle, full of purpose and malicious. More often, hurtful remarks are the result of thoughtlessness. Subtle behaviors can cause the recipient to feel a loss of self esteem, lack of confidence and escalating resentment. Most of us are aware that laws forbid sexual and racial comments in the workplace. Many hurtful comments are considered ‘normal’ or ‘natural’ talk. For example, when a male worker says something like, “Don’t go getting hysterical - the work will get done” to a female worker, is the comment meant to comfort the female worker or subtly remind her of her gender stereotype?	Subtle comments that demean others are so powerful because they are hidden beneath the surface of conversation. Here are two strategies you can use when someone personally attacks you: 1. Individuals engaged in an escalating conflict often resort to personal attacks in order to ‘win’ the argument. When you recognize a personal attack, stop all discussion and say something like, “Let’s stop the personal attacks and deal with the issue that is important.” 2. Ask the speaker what his/her intentions were in making the statement. Explain how you received the message and what your reaction is. Open and honest communication is the best way to resolve conflict, while building more positive relationships and finding win-win outcomes.
Transition Time at TCC
by Connie Calkin TCC Board Member and Transition Task Force Chair Change is difficult for all of us and a big change is coming to The Conflict Center. Liz Loescher, our founder and Executive Director of 15 years, has announced her resignation, effective June 2002. At the TCC Board retreat this past October, a Transition Task Force was appointed to focus on this important organizational transition. The Task Force is made up of seven members, representing various TCC stakeholders and brings together a diversity of experiences to ensure a thorough and successful hiring and transition process. In addition to myself as the chair, Task Force members include Board members Vicki Braunagel, Sue Haskell and Jay McCarthy, Annunciation School principal, Sheila Karpan, Volunteer Coordinator, Mary Zinn-Stewart and staff member, Vickie Samland. The Task Force is assisted by Liz Loescher, Myra Isenhart, Bob Hart and Jim Laurie.	The Transition Task Force has been meeting regularly since November and has conducted an organizational self-study and focus groups over the last few months. The survey and focus groups have included participation by TCC staff, board, clients, volunteers, community representatives and funders. Based on the results of the self-study and the focus groups, the Task Force will develop a profile of TCC leadership needs, a position description and compensation package. In February, the Executive Director position will be advertised through media, periodicals and associations. The Transition Task Force is currently developing a plan for the review and selection process, in order to have a new Executive Director by June, 2002. Liz has agreed to work as a consultant, as needed, after the new Executive Director is hired. The Transition Task Force greatly appreciates all the help of Liz and the TCC staff during this transition period. Please call Connie Calkin at 303-526-0711 or Sue Haskell at 303-757-0514 if you have any questions or comments about the transition process.
Kids Corner
Remember the old saying, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me"? Words and body language can hurt as much if not more sometimes than physical attacks. Think of how you feel when someone does one of the following: Gives you an angry look Laughs at you when it isn’t funny Uses mean words Rolls their eyes when you are speaking Is silent or ignores you Excludes you from the group Turns their back on you when you are talking Teases you	Whispering between two people, leaving others out, ignoring and teasing can be very hurtful. Sometimes these actions are not intended to hurt you. These people simply are not aware of what they are doing or how they are hurting your feelings. How do you handle a situation like this? You can go to the people whom you feel hurt and ignored you and politely ask them, “Did I do something to hurt you?” Or, you could ask them, “Why are you doing this?” Or, let them know, “That hurts my feelings.” Sometimes the other person is just having a ‘bad day’. If you sense this, offer to talk to this person or offer to have a friend, teacher or parent, talk to them. Everyone will feel better and you will have done your part to be a good friend and a good listener.
Volunteer News
Star Volunteer Isabel Alvarado Bailey currently serves as a TCC Board member and has volunteered in many roles at TCC since she joined us in July 1996. She has chaired all five of, and is the inspiration behind, our Annual Volunteer Appreciation Events. Each of us benefits from her attention to the Volunteer Program as she serves on the Committee and has dedicated her energy to volunteers and their needs. Isabel also has served as President of the Friends of The Conflict Center, has chaired the Garden Party and has been a vital member of many of TCC’s committees, including the Ambassador of Peace Award Event. Should you call the office on Monday mornings, during staff meetings, Isabel’s voice will welcome you, as she has been diligent in covering reception for staff during these meetings. Isabel does it all, from Board duties to critical minutia for TCC. In her “retirement” from executive life with US West, Isabel volunteers for various community organizations, cares for family, enjoys her children, plays with grandson, Bailey, and travels promoting peace. With much gratitude, we wish our STAR Volunteer a stellar New Year!	Let's Celebrate Together At our annual "Applaud ourselves" event! The Annual TCC Volunteer Appreciation Event will be held in April. Check your mailbox and the next newsletter for details. TCC VOLUNTEERS ARE THE BEST! YES!! We have exceeded our 2001 goal of 10,000 volunteer hours. Congratulations to 180 of the World's Best Volunteers, who so generously contributed their time and talents! Reporting hours makes all the difference. Please report your hours today to Mary Ann Tarpey at 303-433-4983, ext. 27, by snail mail or by e-mail.
Volunteer Opportunities • Peace Day Thursday, February 21 Annunciation School (near downtown) morning, afternoon or both • Staffing a TCC Table Saturday, February 23rd Arapahoe County Family Child Care Association 2002 Mini Conference 7:30 AM to 4:30 PM, 2-3 hour shifts • Male Volunteer Needed Assist staff in teaching classes on Thursdays: Afternoons - Choices (teen boys) Evenings - Parenting If you would like to assist, call 303-433-4983 or e-mail conflictct@aol.com	Volunteer Introduction Meetings Start out the New Year well and increase peacemaking possibilities by offering opportunities to your friends and colleagues! Thursday, February 21, 2002 3 - 5:00 pm at TCC Tuesday, April 2, 2002 6 - 8:00 pm at TCC To sign up call 303-433-4983 Volunteer Training CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Monday, March 11, 2002 6:30 - 8:30 pm at TCC ANGER MANAGEMENT Monday, May 13, 2002 6:30 - 8:30 pm at TCC Volunteers Cary Leher, Katie Owens and Mary Zinn-Stewart present these free workshops designed especially for TCC volunteers. Learn to “walk the talk.” Call 303-433-4983 to reserve your seat.
Special Events
4th Annual Conference: Reducing the Cost of Conflict in the Workplace Supervisory Skills: Managing Conflict in Uncertain Times March 1, 2002 Aurora Conference and Events Center More information...
The Zonta Club of Denver Presents “Putting on the Ritz” Honoring Elizabeth Loescher With the 2002 Pacesetter Achievement Award Saturday, March 30, 2002 Beginning at 11 am The Westin Hotel Highway 36 & 104th Avenue Tickets - $50 each Liz is being honored as a visionary who has recognized a local need and has used her creativity to implement positive solutions to the problem. Please join us in representing The Conflict Center and sharing this special day with Liz. For more information, please call Cary Leher at 303-757-3897 or call The Conflict Center at 303-433-4983.	Charity Shopping Days ARC Thrift Stores March 8, 9 & 10 The Conflict Center will receive a 25% cash donation from your purchase. ARC Thrift Store will forward the dontation to The Conflict Center. This fundraising event is valid at any of 14 front range ARC stores. Please CLICK HERE for a printable version of your coupon and take it to your nearest ARC store on the designated dates, to participate in the ARC Charity Shopping Days. Please call TCC at 303-433-4983 for locations or further details.