December 2008

Give the Gift of Healthy Praise & Great Games

this Holiday Season

By Nikki Schmidt

Other Ideas for Making

Game Time FUN!

 

1. Create new rules! - Keep the idea that “rules are made to be broken” alive and well by encouraging your children to think of new rules for games. This is a great way to stir up creativity within your kids but also helps keep games challenging.

 

2. Adapt if necessary - Sometimes finding a game the whole family can play can be challenging especially if young ones play. No problem - make it a ground rule that if it’s too hard then everyone finds ways for younger players to contribute. For instance in our all-time favorite card game Sleeping Queens our youngest son used addition and subtraction for his math problems, however, our eldest son used multiplication, division, and even algebra.

 

3. Remind players that winning is not all that matters. Yes, it’s important to do our best but it’s more important that everyone has fun.

 

4. Win or Lose--Always a Cause for Celebration! - Winning is fun but losing is where we can convey important lessons about solving problems and sportsmanship. Have players shake hands at the end of a game and ask questions such as, “What move or play did you like that your opponent made?” or “What do you think you need to work on for next time?” And praise hard work, the fact that they have learned how to avoid a mistake in the future, or sticking to the game even when times were tough.

Nothing can bring a group of people together for laughter and excitement like a great game.

 

Playing games can also be a great time to praise our kids and every time parents give praise they have an opportunity to do it in ways that help encourage a positive self image, accountability, and the precious message that failure is o.k. and necessary for growth.

 

Whoa--failure is o.k. and necessary for growth? Where did that come from? Well, let me explain why it’s on my mind . . .

 

My sons participate in a monthly chess tournament where they go up against the best in their ranking for a day of fun but competitive chess playing. During our first tournament experience there was a family with two kids sitting across the table in the waiting area. Every time their children came back the first question the parents asked was “Did you win?” When the children replied with a “no” the kids immediately started crying, feeling disappointed and embarrassed at their inadequacy. Unfortunately the parent’s disgusted reaction to their tears only encouraged more tears. However, even more alarming was when the kids returned with a win and the parents replied with, “You are so smart!” Hmm, now you might be asking, “Why is that alarming?”

 

In the recently released book, Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me), Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson address society’s preoccupation with avoiding the accountability of mistakes because besides the psychological wiring humans have to protect their self esteem, at the root of this conditioning lies the assumption that making a mistake equals stupidity, which people and children fear reflects on their inherent abilities. Using twenty years of experience with American school children, psychologist Carol Dweck recognized that some children are praised for their efforts in mastering a new challenge (“Wow, you are really working hard on that math problem!”) and others are praised for their intelligence and ability (“You’re a natural baseball player!” or “Yes, you are the best game player!”). Amazingly, however, these two messages have vastly different consequences. As Dweck comments in the book:

 

Children who . . . are praised for their efforts, even when they don’t “get it” at first, eventually perform better and like what they are learning more than children praised for their

natural abilities. They are also more likely to regard mistakes and criticism as useful information that will help them improve. In contrast, children praised for their natural ability learn to care more about how competent they look to others than about what they are actually learning. They become defensive about not doing well or about making mistakes . . . [and as adults] they will be the kind who are afraid of making mistakes or taking responsibility for them, because that would be evidence that they are not naturally smart after all.

 

Whether our kids are participating in a sport, doing their homework, or playing a family game, look for ways to grow “mistake-comfortable” kids. After all, what truly makes a mistake horrible is if we don’t learn from it. All of us will make lots of mistakes and the more you can convey to your children that mistakes are inevitable aspects of life that help us grow, and grow up--the better we can prepare them for for life’s bigger challenges.  So, add a dose of healthy praise to your holiday season and check out my family game picks this year as opportunities to spend time together to build healthy and strong families

 

Communication Starters

 

Keep games likes these near the dinner table to start up conversation during mealtime or near the TV to have something to talk about when you turn it off during commercials (a great way to minimize the amount of violence and advertising kids take in).

 

7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: Get in the habit and start talking! Each card in the deck presents one of Stephen Covey’s renown 7 Habits, then poses a question to jump-start conversations about highly effective family living.

 

Chicken Soup for the Kid’s Soul: Take a sip of Chicken Soup and start talking! Each card in the deck condenses a Chicken Soup story, then poses a soulful question to share.

 

World Teasers: World Culture & Geography Version: Featuring 150 cards with facts about geography and world culture, this game for two to eight players is designed to challenge friends and family and get them talking, laughing and thinking. To further aid in learning and help the younger participants, keep laminated world placemats at the table during mealtime play to refer to!

Great Stocking Stuffers (Ages 6+)

 

Put games like these into stockings for individual challenges or team play--kids working together to solve the problems.

 

Rush Hour Junior: Rush Hour Junior is sure to become a fixture in your everyday life. Recently voted one of Parents Choice Foundations "Best 25 Toys in 25 Years," Rush Hour puts players to the test, demanding both thought and vision. As if the commute home wasn't enough, in these 40 Beginner-to-Expert challenges, you must navigate your red car through the traffic jam and gridlock in order to successfully leave the game board. Experience what everyone is talking about!

 

Noodlers: Kids use their noodles and these sticks to separate each symbol into its own space. The catch? The instructions tell you how many (or how few) sticks you get to use. Great for enhancing spatial learning. Includes 80 full-color puzzles and 6 Noodlers sticks.

 

Logic Links: Each Logic Links puzzle uses a series of clues to instruct a player where to place colored chips to solve the puzzle, requiring deductive reasoning and determination! Includes 166 puzzles and 32 plastic game chips.

Board Games (Ages 7+)

 

Great for rainy days or finishing off a family meeting these games integrate strategy, spatial awareness skills, and fun. These games are a hit at my son’s chess tournaments. 

 

Gemlok: Strive to land on the most precious gems, and hang on for a ride. Watch out because an opponent might bump you off your precious gem! The roll of the dice determines your moves, but your strategy determines your fate.

 

 

Blokus: In this abstract strategy with transparent, tetris-shaped, colored pieces players try to get rid of all their pieces. The only caveat to placing a piece is that it may not lie adjacent to your other pieces. Instead you must place your pieces at the vertices of your pieces already on the board. Supports up to 4 players. In the single player version you try to get rid of all the pieces in a single sitting. There is also an online version of Blokus.

Best Critical Thinking Board Game So Far Encountered (Ages 10+)

 

Settlers of Catan: Made for those who appreciate strategy games and revel in friendly competition! If you haven’t played this game yet you must give it a try--it is by far one of my favorite! One of the most successful games of all time, Settlers of Catan is a trading and building game set in the mythical world of Catan. Players roll dice to determine which resources are generated each round and then must strategically trade those resources with other players to get what they need to build their settlements, cities, and roads. With multiple ways to gain victory points and a board that changes in every play, Settlers of Catan is a game that can be played hundreds of different ways. Having won several awards, Settlers of Catan is a fabulous game for families and board game fanatics alike as the rules are simple and the game combines a perfect mix of luck and strategy.